Penis Pain From Anal Sex: Some Tips

Not such a big secret: Men (except some who are into certain fetishes) do not like penal pain. Penis pain can not only be a cause for concern about penis health, it can also just get in the way of enjoying sex or even simply getting through the day. That's why knowing more about potential causes of pain pain is important. This article is going to focus on possible penis pain that may result from anal sex.

For the purposes of this piece, we are going to assume that the man is the partner who is "giving" anal sex to the other, rather than being the one who is receiving the anal sex.

Basics

It appears that instances of anal sex are on the rise. Certainly it is common among the gay community, with some surveys indicating that 90% of gay men have participated in receiving anal sex. And another survey indicates that 40% of women between the ages of 20 and 24 have been anally receptive (up from 16% in the early 1990s).

Anal sex refers to the insertion of the penis into a partner's anus and the continued penetration of the anus; essentially, the anus takes the place of the vagina during this form of sex. In some cases, a phallic replica may be used rather than an actual penis.

Penis pain

It is fairly clear from this brief description that anal sex has the potential to be painful for the person who is on the receiving end. But penis pain can occur in the man who is doing the penetrating. Following are some potential causes of that pain.

– Insufficient lubrication. In anal sex, even more so than in vaginal sex, it is absolutely crucible that sufficient lubrication is employed. Unlike with vaginal penetration, the anus does not produce its own lubricant to help ease things along.

– Tightness. Even with lots of lubrication, in some instances a man's penis may simply be too large to comfortably fit within the profiled space. This can lead to bruising on the penis, or even to cuts and tearing. (As might be imagined, it can also cause reasonable pain and issue for the person receiving the penal as well.)

– Bacteria. Sometimes, especially if no condom is employed, anal sex can result in bacteria entering the urethra and establishing an infection.

– STI. Some serious STIs (sexually transmitted infections) such as gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV and trichomoniasis can result from anal sex, especially if no condom is used. Some STIs cause penis pain.

Tips

So what can a guy do to help prevent penis pain from anal sex? Two things are of primary importance: Use condoms and use plenty of lubrication – and make sure to reapply the lubrication if it wears off during the course of the activity.

The condoms can help to prevent STIs and cuts and tearing; however, even with a condom, there is a risk of STI transmission. And though condoms cut down on the likelihood of bruising and cuts, they still can occur. Condoms also are a big deterrent to bacteria seeping into the urethra and causing an infection.

It also helps if the partner has voided their bowels 20-30 minutes in advance of engaging in sex and has thoroughly addressed and washed the anus.

Men who believe they have contracted an STI or a urethral infection should consult with a doctor immediately to determine an appropriate course of treatment.

Sometimes the penis pain caused by anal sex is simple soreness of the organ, and using a top drawer penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil, which is clinically proven mild and safe for skin) can help alleviate this soreness. The best crèmes for this purpose will include a combination of hydrating agents, ideally both Shea butter and vitamin E. Try to select one that also includes vitamin D, the so-called "miracle vitamin," which has proven benefits in fighting diseases and supporting healthy cellular function.



Source by John Dugan

How to Go Down on a Guy – The Sexiest Oral Sex Tips That’ll Leave Him Speechless

It is time that you learned how to please a man to his fullest potential so you can give him an orgasm that he will certainly never forget. You want to learn how to go down on a guy and leave him speechless.

In order to make this happen today, you need to learn the sexiest oral sex tips. You need to learn the secret behind giving him great fellatio so you can really wow him in the bedroom tonight. You want to be the best that he has ever had and now is the time to make it a reality.

The first tip to giving a man great oral sex is your ability to be confident and to forget about little meaningless things. If you can allow yourself to get caught up in the moment and to whisk yourself away to feeling intense pleasure with him, then that is how you are going to be the best. Women tend to overanalyze and worry about things too much. If you can get into the same mind frame as him, then you can give him great satisfaction.

The next sexiest tip is to look at him during oral sex. Making eye contact lets him know that you want to make a deeper connection with him. It also shows him how brave you are and how you are challenging him. Eye contact during oral makes some people nervous, so show him that you aren’t afraid of anything by doing this. Plus, the image of your eyes locking onto his with his member in your mouth will surely be something he won’t forget.

Another sexy tip when going down on a guy is to make moans and sighs like you would during sex. This sends vibrations throughout his member and it gives him added stimulation that he was probably never ever expecting. Plus, it lets him know that you are really into things. Men like the sound of a woman moaning in ecstasy so show your man that you are enjoying this and this will drive him wild. When he knows that you like it too, then he can really ease into things and that is how he is going to have an unreal orgasm.

By following these fellatio tips and techniques, you will be able to give your man an experience that is going to be unlike anything he has ever experienced before. You can be the best that he has ever had and now is the time that you made it a reality for him. Go down on him tonight and blow him away- literally and figuratively.



Source by Michelle Jacobs

Tips To Effectively Cope With Marijuana Withdrawal Symptoms

Failure to cope with marijuana withdrawal symptoms is the most common cause of relapse among its dependent users. Many find it hard to give up the vice because of the undesirable symptoms that comes with a few days after stopping marijuana. Furthermore, there are many others who, by genetic predisposition or perhaps lack of will power, simply cannot cope with the initial effects of giving up the vice. If you happen to be one of them, relax and don’t lose hope. You are not alone.

Free As A Bird

Let’s face it, the reason why people become dependent on marijuana is due to its seemingly beneficial psychoactive effects. Cannabis is known to elicit feelings of well-being, a means of stress-reduction, an escape. On the other hand, the commonly reported withdrawal symptoms of cannabis are hostility, restlessness, anxiety, irritability, and mood swings. By looking closely, it is obvious that these withdrawal symptoms are simply direct opposites of the psychoactive effects of marijuana. These are obvious reasons why some people find it hard to quit smoking pot. Everyone seems to find a sense of freedom by smoking weed.

“Then You Will Know The Truth, And The Truth Will Set You Free.” (John 8:32)

But the truth is, unless we have the courage to deal with our problems without resorting to smoking pot, our attempt to rehabilitate ourselves is more likely to become futile. And since marijuana withdrawal symptoms are nothing physical but a general manifestation of psychological stress, minimizing the symptoms of stress by dealing with the problem itself can free us from being dependent to it.

Diggin The Root

In such case, anxiety, restlessness, and mood swings come as forms of marijuana withdrawal syndrome. These feelings are usually manifestation of “fear of change.” So, being in the fight-or-flight situation, the best strategy is to directly attack anxiety by deliberately doing other activities to keep our mind busy rather than focusing on the feeling. Introspection or soul-searching in the form of psychotherapy can be a great help in understanding oneself.

Peace, Man

Hostility, irritability and mood swing usually pent-up frustrations that predispose people into smoking marijuana. They usually resurface in a person’s consciousness once he stops smoking weed, hence, labelled as withdrawal symptoms. Learn to accept the noble truth that there is no perfect life on earth. That it is normal for people to commit mistakes. That life is a constant struggle. In short, having the courage to face the world as it is. This is the only way to appreciate the real beauty and meaning of life, without ever having to smoke a joint!

Natural High

Healthy lifestyle can help alleviate marijuana withdrawal symptoms. Changing to a better diet, having regular exercise, and indulging in new hobbies and other recreational activities will not only make you more resistant to stress but also help you re-focus the mind. Participating in community services, joining social clubs and spiritual pursuits can develop a sense of self-worth and positive outlook in life which can help prevent relapse in the future.

Marijuana withdrawal symptoms normally last only for a few days. But the lure of going back to smoking pot is usually caused by the unwillingness of the person to stop rather than the intolerable physical addiction. So, to free oneself from marijuana dependency is to learn new strategies and to cope with the stresses of life with courage and dedication to truth. Embrace the truth that life is not perfect. Pot can’t make life perfect either. It will only make life worse. Let us just embrace this simple truth and let the truth set us free!



Source by Sally R Mason

Tips And Tricks To Organize Your Home

If somebody tells you that there’s no drawback with the muddle in your home or a minimum of in one in all the rooms, there’s seeming to be a lie. Once organizing your home, we tend to nearly ne’er take away supernumerary things. You may find some unnecessary things in different corners of your house such as toys, old boxes, luggage, etc. It appears that to scrub up the mess in your home, you wish plenty of your time and energy, however, it’s not so! It takes ten to the half-hour daily. Here we introduce a number of the effective tips to manage your house.

Begin immediately: choose a space and separate the supernumerary things. Succeeding day, opt for another space and do the same. Once you feel that each one supernumerary objects collected throughout the lodging, send things within the garage or closet, and at last sell them.

Choose the storage area: If you are doing not have enough space for the storage and placement of bound objects, they start to put everyplace indiscriminately. Keep a basket of previous magazines, web baskets for toys. Marked boxes for documents and manage accessories in the main office is often useful.

Teach your youngsters to keep area clean: Your youngsters wish to perpetually get new toys, bring home all styles of things from faculty. Leave them what they like most, and elegantly and thoroughly take away all that they like less.

Optimization of vertical cabinets: to use each sq. centimetre of your space, use racks, bookshelves.

Enter the cleansing supernumerary in your schedule: each weekend you wish to examine your luggage and unused things that aren’t any longer used and isn’t relevant. Previous newspapers and magazines, a utility bill ought to be scrapped.

Create it fun: Let’s face it, if the cleansing was a lot of fun our homes are continually clean. Play the music, amendment their garments in your favorite garments, do one thing that may inspire you.

Be often supply of confusion is our own inability to throw out junk. This can be very true once it involves consumer goods and souvenirs. Send things on time within the garage, notwithstanding they lie there. Then it’ll be easier to give up them. Particularly plenty of things throw removal. Organize moving flats as porters or a minimum of estimate, what number cars can have to be compelled to carry all that you just have – perhaps it’ll inspire you to radical cleaning!



Source by Neeraj Sharma

Tips for Resurrecting Lost Penis Sensation

When a man begins to lose penis sensation, he very well might panic a bit. But it's important to remember two things: first, that loss of penis sensitivity happens more often with age, and second, that it can be reversed through careful attention to a few new penis care techniques. Here's what a man needs to know to get his mojo back.

Why does a guy lose penis sensation?

There can be many reasons why a man loses penis sensitivity. In most cases, the problem can be traced back to overhandling of the penis, especially during long masturbation sessions. Another reason could be the 'death grip,' or gripping the penis too tightly during masturbation, as well as looking lube when pleasuring. Either of these often bring about loss of penis sensation.

But in some cases, the reason can be attributed to the aging process. In fact, up to 90 percent of men report that over time, their penis is not as sensitive as it once was. Many men look back at how sensitive they felt during their earlier years and realize that they have lost quite a bit of sensitivity as they have become older.

The good news is that there are remedies for both the problem of overhandling and the issues of age. A guy can try these great options:

1) Change up masturbation. Many guys get set in their ways and over time, they want to masturbate in only a certain way that they are sure will work for them. The problem is that they will wind up rubbing the same areas over and over again, which results in small calls on the delicate penis skin. That results in a deadening of sensation in that area. By switching up the method a guy uses, he can preserve the sensation and explore new things at the same time.

2) Wear the right clothing. A guy should avoid tight, restrictive clothing. Wearing underwear that allows the penis to 'breathe' or even using wicking underwear that draw away moisture are all good bets. Never go commando, as the rub of trousers against the penis can quickly reduce sensation. A guy should always take the time to go without clothing, too – this 'airing out' of the penis can have many benefits not only for sensation, but for odor control and comfort as well.

3) Use lube when appropriate. Guys who like it dry might not have the best penis sensitivity. Reaching for ample amounts of lubrication during any sexual activity can help ensure that a guy keeps those all-important nerve endings as healthy as possible, so he can enjoy sex to the strongest measure possible.

4) Stay moisturized. Dry skin can be the bane of a man's penis sensation, especially if the problem is severe or is allowed to continue for a long period of time. The nerve endings in the penis can become damaged over time, resulting in a loss of penis sensitivity in such a way that he might not be able to regain it. Avoid this problem by using a good moisturizer, as well as a proper cleanser when in the shower. These two simple additions to a good penis care regimen can keep a man's penis in good shape.

Finally, a man can not go wrong with the use of a penal health crème (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil, which is clinically proven mild and safe for skin) that is designed to help with penis sensation. Multiple ingredients promote sensitivity, including alpha lipoic acid, L-arginine, L-carnitine, and a host of vitamins. Combat dry skin through the addition of Shea butter and vitamin E, both of which can lock in moisture to help improve sensitivity and overall penis health. A great penis health crème can be used every day to help slowly regain the penis sensation a man thought was gone for good.



Source by John Dugan

Swinger Lifestyle Tips for Getting Physical

Getting physical on a swinger lifestyle date

A swinger lifestyle date might consist of a single male or female meeting a couple. In this situation, couples often start touching each other as a signal to the single that they are okay to open a sexual relationship with him or her. The single needs to respond positively but with a degree of caution, taking care to look for other confirmatory signals. In cases where the couple fail to take the initiative in such an obvious fashion, the single will need to steer the date towards sex and be wary of allowing the meeting to turn into a purely social encounter.

In couple meeting couple swinger dates much will depend on the personalities of the two couples. When both couples are shy or somewhat nervous first-time-swingers, the opportunity for getting physical may get lost altogether. When this happens, both couples are likely to return home disappointed and never try to meet again.

When either or both of the couples are experienced swingers or have more outgoing personalities, the date is likely to proceed along the lines of the single-with-couple date described above; with one of the couples getting things going by touching one another.

Choice of rendezvous

In each of the above swinger lifestyle scenarios, the choice of rendezvous has quite a bearing on how much touching will take place and how intimate it is likely to be. A meeting in a restaurant, for example will clearly provide few opportunities for intimate touching compared with a date that takes place in one or the other couple’s homes.

Swinger party touching etiquette

Swinger parties provide an environment where the opportunity for sexual touching in public has little or no limits. But that does not mean they are sexual free-for-alls. Swingers attending sex parties still need to observe a certain etiquette in moving from the social stage to the foreplay stage and even during the sex-play stage itself. The manner in which things proceed and how quickly they proceed can be influenced by the numbers and combinations of the people involved. This might prove to be quite different for a single male with a group of couples than for a couple with a single female. It is likely to prove different again between two or three couples than for a group of mixed singles.

Careful observation, listening and responding

The most important requirements for knowing just when to start touching are observation, listening and responding. By developing good observational and listening skills you will not even have to worry about initiating physical contact because they will lead the other person to touch you first.

It is vital that you understand and accept that swingers have a ‘No’ means ‘No’ rule. This applies to all physical touching and should be respected in all encounters, even ones that occur at most active stage of proceedings. Never assume that other people are happy about you touching them intimately just because they attend sex parties and participate in a swinger lifestyle. The simple fact is; swingers are no different to anybody else. They choose who they want to be intimate with. Always check that it is okay for you to move to the next level.

With many swinger couples there may also exist an extra set of conditions that need to ascertained and respected. These are the special conditions the couple have agreed with each other about what is okay and what is taboo in their swinging. For example, some couples will have agreed to only go as far as having oral sex outside of their own partnership. Others might have a rule about having same room sex with own partner only.



Source by Wendy Peters

10 Tips To Better Listening As A Leader

Have you ever been in a meeting where there is a lot of conversation, but nothing is getting accomplished? It’s because everyone is talking – instead of listening!

People generally want to be accepted into the group. They want to be acknowledged for their contributions. They want to be acknowledged for their intellect. They want to be known for their abilities.

Unfortunately, many people believe they must “talk about” their knowledge and abilities rather than just demonstrate them. It is this type of actions that a successful leader will guide his or her subordinates from “talking to doing.”

When we are actively listening, we make the person we are engaging with feel valued. This will lead to them being more receptive to our intentions in guiding them to our beliefs. In business, actively listening to what your client is telling you will guide you into larger sales, more successful negotiations and more compromise from them towards your positions.

Active listening is more than just using your ears. You must read the body language of the person as well. Facial expressions and how they are positioning their body while talking to you will tell you far more information than the person even realizes.

To be an effective leader you must first be an effective listener. Here are a few helpful ideas that will guide you to that successful end:

1. Make eye contact with the person talking. Face square on with the person. Do not face away from them and just turn your head. That is signaling that you are not really interested in what that person is saying. Sit, stand of face directly towards the person talking.

2. Show that you are listening by nodding; smiling when appropriate or acting “shocked” or “surprised’ at the appropriate time. This will demonstrate to the person talking that you “get” what they are saying.

3. Try to mirror the person’s body language. If they are standing – you stand. If they are sitting – you sit directly in front of them (or as close as comfortably and socially possible). If they are sitting by leaning in – you lean in (don’t be overtly obnoxious about it. When you mirror their image, do so in non-subtle ways).

4. Summarize what they are trying to say into your own words. Clarify in your mind what they are telling you.

5. Ask questions to clarify the points they are trying to make. This confers your interest in making sure you understand their positions.

6. Ask open-ended questions and not “yes or no” questions. This not only brings clarity to the conversation, it causes the person to rethink their position as well. This is very helpful in negotiations. It could show them (in their own mind) that their initial position was not as strong as they initially thought.

7. Do not sound “judgmental” in your responses. Do not immediately form a rebuttal in your mind and then knock their positions down like bowling pins! You will gain a lot more advantage by guiding them to see the validity of your position and making it sound like it was their idea!

8. Take a real interest in their point of view and in what they are trying to communicate. Whether at an office party or in the corporate boardroom, you need to make the person talking believe they are only talking to you (regardless of the number of people present). If you are simply feigning interest, it will be very apparent (to all present) and will lose you valuable leadership integrity points with your subordinates (or whoever you are talking with). Integrity points that may never be won back again!

9. Never fall into the trap of telling “war stories” about how you faced a similar challenge but it was “much worse.” Telling them how you tackled adversity and overcame defeat in your life does nothing for the other person. Stories are OK during training or from a platform to add validity – but when someone is communicating a problem they are facing – stories will lose you integrity points fast!

10. Acknowledge the difficulties which the person may be conveying to you. Acknowledge – but do not accept them as your own! Use empathy for their situation – but do not offer to take the burden of what they are facing. Offer alternatives, if readily available. Never accept a losing position as your own position. ALWAYS make sure your position is a winning position.

Take a real interest in what the other person is trying to convey to you. Whether your subordinate or boss; whether your colleague or business client – using these “Ten Tips” will make a better listener and a better leader!



Source by Robert Thibodeau

Tips For Getting Pregnant With a Boy Baby

If you’ve found this article, you’re either trying to get pregnant, want a boy baby, or both.  So, I’ll provide you with tips on how to accomplish both of these goals.  Since you’re trying to get pregnant anyway, you may as well tweak your efforts a little bit to get the gender that you want.  I’ll tell you how to do this below.

Getting Pregnant With A Boy Requires The Most Precise Timing And The Most Preparation, But It’s Not As Hard As You Think: 

Most people will tell you that in order to get pregnant, you need to pinpoint your fertility window and then have intercourse as many times as possible before the window closes, hoping that one of these attempts will reward you with a pregnancy.  This will work perfectly fine if you’ll be content to get either gender. 

However, if you are dead set on a son, this method will increase the odds of your having a girl.  Why? Because the sperm that produces a boy is much different from the ones that will give you a daughter.  Daughter (or X) sperm are very long lived, but slow.  Son (or Y) sperm are weak and vulnerable, but also fast.  This provides nature with needed balance, but it also provides you with opportunity.

If you conceive on the early part of your fertility window, you’re allowing many viable, otherwise perfectly good boy sperm to die off before they could result in a pregnancy and you’re filling your fertility tract with hardy girl sperm that have no trouble surviving for days.

So, to conceive a boy, you’ll need to pinpoint the end of your window – this means the day of (or the day after) ovulation.  Yes, this technically “wastes” fertile days, but with the right tools, it doesn’t necessarily matter as much as you think. 

For gender selection that really works, you have to be very precise. You can do this by getting a reliable ovulation predictor (I like saliva because I find it the most accurate) but get what works for you.  Old fashioned methods like basal temperature, the rhythm method, and cervical mucus leave much to be desired in my opinion because they don’t give you the exact yes / no answer that you need.

Other Ways To Get Pregnant With A Son: Intercourse Positioning:

  Without a doubt, timing is essential, but it is not the only thing you’ll need to address.  You’ll want to send the Y sperm to their target as quickly and efficiently as you can because they are weak.  So, have intercourse in such a way that places this sperm as close to your cervix as is feasible (deep penetration).  This allows those fast little fellows every advantage.

Making Your PH Lower / Becoming Less Acidic And More Alkaline:

Even if you do everything I’ve already mentioned (timing, intercourse positions), there’s still one more variable to address.  You need to handle the Y sperm as gently as possible. The final way to do this is to lower your vaginal acidity. The reason for this is because boy sperm can’t withstand a high PH.  So, to give these guys the best chance, you’ll need to become more alkaline.  So many couples are scared off by this step, but there is no reason to be. Again, the right tools make all of the difference.  And, the best tool here is a PH tester that you can get at nutrition centers or on-line.

Once you use this, you’ll know where you stand. If you test and end up being acidic or need to make alterations, don’t worry, you can change this.  One way to lower is through consuming an alkaline diet.  (Yes, this requires a diet for a small period of time, but it will be worth it.)  The second way to get into the “boy zone” is by using alkalizing douches (and this is usually more than baking soda.) Now, this isn’t as hard as it sounds.  There are lists that will tell you what foods to eat and which douches to use. 

The beauty of this process is that you can tweak it and change it as needed and continue to test yourself.  You can easily see what is working and what is not (most people have the best, fastest results using both food and douching methods). 

It is said that if you address all of these variables, you can increase your chances for a boy conception to as high as about 94%. And,  you’ll know, without a doubt, and without needing to guess, precisely when the time is right for you to get pregnant with the boy baby that you want. 



Source by Sandy Dean

How to Make Your Relationship Better – 5 Tips

In your relationship, asking for what you want in a helpful, non-threatening way helps you and your partner understand each other. In couple counseling, when partners are asked to state their wants they often discover that their wishes are very much the same, and the problem disappears. The conflict between them was only theirs lack of understanding and communication.

So, what's the best way to ask for what you want when wondering how to make your relationship better?

Here are 5 tips to help you.

1. Get clear about what you want . You can not say what you want clearly if you're not certain what it is. Before approaching your partner with a request, think about it and write it down in one concise sentence.

2. Create a good atmosphere . If asking for what you want is hard for you, do not do it without preparation. Choose a moment when you and your partner both have time, and invite him or her to sit down and speak with you.

3. Simply state what you want . Do not begin your statement with a lot of disclaimers – they make the other person feel accused of something. Just ask, politely, for what you want or need.

4. Be prepared to accept a "no." Remember, if you can not accept a no answer, then you're making a demand, not a request, so have a backup solution. Find a way to get what you want for yourself, even if the other person is not cooperating.

5. Listen politely to your partner's answer . Whatever your partner says yes, no, or something in between, listen carefully to what he or she says. Do not get all caught up in the worry and noise inside your head – pay attention. You need to know what the answer is.

How to Make Your Relationship Better? If you follow these steps, you'll help your relationship most of the time. And even when you do not, you'll have a backup plan, so you really can not lose.



Source by Gary Gregory

10 Management Tips for Managing Difficult People

“When managing difficult people, if it isn’t written down, it’s as if it didn’t happen.”

Many managers and supervisors are promoted to management positions based on their hard skills. Yet few of them have had training in the area of managing people. Especially managing difficult people. In conducting seminars on managing people, one challenge I hear managers and supervisors face nowadays is how to manage a difficult employee. You can’t control them, but you can control their environment in the hopes of coaching the employee to better performance.

Here are 10 Management Tips for Managing Difficult People:

1. Document, document, document. As far as the courts are concerned, if it isn’t written down it’s as if it didn’t happen. Even if you have a prospective employee sign a form saying they know they can be terminated at any time, without cause, and without warning or reason. You never want to terminate without proper documentation. Terminating an employee without cause, reason, or prior warning, can make it easier for the difficult person to win a wrongful termination lawsuit.

2. Document training and coaching. Any type of training you provide for your difficult employee is considered coaching. In managing difficult people, many managers assume the documentation is to build a case for termination. It is not! It’s really to show everything you did to try and salvage the difficult employee. This includes any and all training. Whether you trained the employee, someone else trained them, or you sent them to a seminar to be coached to better performance.

3. Avoid the word “attitude.” In managing difficult people, why would you want to avoid saying something like, “Pat, I don’t like your attitude?” Because it’s too subjective. It’s not specific enough.

4. Focus instead on specific behaviors or the quality of their work. For example, what should you do if every time you delegate a special project to the difficult person, they fold their arms, exhale loudly, roll their eyes, and sarcastically mutter under their breath, “Okay, whatever?!” You would want to say in a low controlled tone something like, “Pat, every time I delegate a special project to you, the arms are folded, you’re rolling your eyes, muttering under your breath, ‘Okay, whatever.’ What seems to be the cause of this?” Notice I listed specific behaviors. So focus on facts.

5. Be objective, not subjective. As mentioned, when managing difficult people, be objective by mentioning specific behaviors, or specific declines in the quality of their work. For example, when documenting the employee’s “attitude,” you might document the following: “Every time I delegated a special project to Pat so-and-so, he/she would fold their arms, exhale loudly, roll their eyes, and mutter under their breath, “Okay, whatever!” Now, if this were ever read by a jury, or your H. R. department if you have one, or your manager, they would have a clear picture of this person’s attitude.

“When managing difficult people, it’s imperative that you make their goals and objectives measurable, specific, quantifiable, and in writing for accountability.”

6. Provide specific examples of the behavior or quality of work you want. Put it in writing for accountability. When managing difficult people, it’s imperative that as their manager or supervisor, you’re making their goals and objectives clear. For example, if they’re doing clerical work, they are to, “Correct and proofread all required reports for the quality control department.” Or if they’re in customer service, an example of a measurable, quantifiable, specific goal would be that they are to, “Respond to all customer complaints within 48 hours of receiving them.” If they’re in manufacturing, they are to, “Produce 35% more wingbats by December 15 of this year. “

7. Be aware of how you present yourself. When managing difficult people, remember, you are their role model. Be aware of your eye contact. Typically look at the person for two to five seconds. You don’t want to stare at them bug eyed! But you also don’t want to avoid looking at them because you’ll come across as too passive, too wishy-washy. They’ll sense you’re fear of confrontation.

Having lots of eye contact can be difficult for some people because in some cultures, children are brought up that it’s disrespectful to have eye contact with their elders. It can be difficult to unlearn these habits. Also, watch your tone of voice. Use a low controlled tone. Be aware of your body language, too. Study after study shows that fully 93% of what people notice and believe about you in face-to-face communication is based on your tone and body language.

8. Be very clear and concise in spelling out the consequences of what could happen if they don’t improve. For example, if this is a verbal warning, you might say to the employee, “You know our policy here, and right now this is a verbal warning. As it says in our handbook, if there isn’t sustainable and maintained improvement including and beyond the next thirty days, it could result in further disciplinary action. Or, it could even result in termination.” In managing difficult people, one of the golden rules is you don’t want the employee to ever be able to say that they “weren’t warned.” Or, “I didn’t know. You didn’t tell me that.”

9. Get at the root cause of what is causing the employee to be difficult. For example, do they simply not like their job? Would they rather be in a different department? Are there personal issues going on with the difficult person that you need to know about? While it’s not your business to know what they do outside of work, it is your business if it’s something that’s affecting their work performance.

You can simply say to the difficult person, “Is everything okay? Is there anything going on that I need to know about? Because this drop in performance just doesn’t seem like you. As your manager/supervisor I want to see you succeed. And I’ve noticed a real decline in the quality of your work, for example… ” Then, give very specific examples. Remember, be objective not subjective. Focus on facts. Attack the problem not the difficult person. Attack the behavior not the person.

In managing difficult people, a lot of this is common-sense. Yet, as mentioned earlier, most managers, supervisors and team leaders are promoted to leadership positions based on the fact that they were doing a great job. But that doesn’t mean they know how to manage difficult people.

10. In managing difficult people, have follow up performance-related meetings with the difficult employee. For two reasons: First, it’s what the courts want to see. Second, it does the employee a great disservice if they make a big turn-around and you don’t acknowledge it. Have a date and a time in writing for when you and the difficult person are going to meet again. And do meet! According to research one of the main reasons employee improvement plans fail is lack of follow-up on the part of the manager.

“When managing difficult people, most of us know what to do. We just don’t always ‘do’ with what we know.”



Source by Colleen Kettenhofen